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\volyear{122}{2044}
\journalcode{cjb}
\journal{Can. J. Chem.}
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\specialtitle{Preprint: A piece of rambling}
\title{A study of the miserableness of being alone in one's flat on a
  cold summer's evening, for where has the sun gone this year?}
\author{Robin Fairbairns}
\address[cucl]{University of Cambridge Computer Laboratory, Pembroke
  St., Cambridge CB2 3QG, UK}
\present{33 Mill End Road\label{millend}}
\author{Betsy the Dog}
\AddressRef{millend}
\correspond\AddressNote{But not correspondence in writing, please}
\address{33 Brampton Rd., Cambridge CB1 3HJ, UK}
\author{Helo\"\i{}se le Chat}
\address{33 Brampton Rd., Cambridge CB1 3HJ, UK}
\author{Dictyostelium Discoideum}
\present{The Royal Society, Carlton Terrace, London}
\shortauthor{Betsy and others}
\received{March 20, 2002}
\IDdates{Revised version received July 4, 1776.}
\revaccepted{January 1, 2044}
\dedication{This paper is dedicated to computer programming dogs
  everywhere}
\abbreviations{CLI: Calling Line Identification, CLIP: CLI
  Presentation, ACR: Anonymous Call Rejection, PI: Presentation
  Indication flag}
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
\begin{abstract}
  Oh! Oh! Oh!, it's all so boring and sad.  I try to make a decent job
  of things, and whenever I speak to anyone I offend them.  I can't
  see a future for myself.  Betsy, what do you think?  Grrrrf{}f{}f.
  \ifverylongabstractindeed
  It is, admittedly, rather hard to generate text to fit in here;
  let's see if we can grab a bit about the experience of malaria from
  Dad's letters\dots  Time 0715.  Scene Ward 16, suchandsuch a hospital,
  India; me squatting on a very comfortable bed; Radio giving us
  Old Town Hall in the North American Service and that depressing Old
  Ebenezer patter going on.  Occasion for my being here?  Malaria, for
  the third time this year (I'm gettin' to be quite an old hand!).  This
  time I felt very bad for quite a while but of course the old
  quinine (about \emph{the} most unpleasant drink I know) soon put a
  stop to all that and now I'm feeling as right as rain although I've
  still got 8 days or so of treatment to go before I finish my
  course\dots  Then there's stuff about music (management dynamics
  of), and about Schnabel and the rest-mass equation (I've been
  looking for a wonderful Taylor-series expansion I once found in
  Eddington's \emph{Mathematical Theory of Relativity}, which
  expresses the Special Theory's Mass-Energy equation even for
  non-stationary particles, but I can't find it), and also some more
  stuff snaffled from Dad's letters (which are the only text of any
  great substance I typically have in my editor.  But hark, there's
  the great debate, isn't there: let's see if old Tom has something to
  offer (Tom being a lawyer, his text is inevitably verbose)\dots
  
  The preceding chapters have reviewed an old debate and traced the
  outlines of a new one. The old debate---the once ``Great
  Debate''---concerned the legal nature of recognition. One theory as
  to that nature, the constitutive, held that recognition created
  states.  The other theory, the declaratory, took recognition only to
  mark---at most, to ratify---facts that had already created a state.
  The constitutive doctrine raised logical problems and was associated
  with a ``positivist'' school of thought that seemed to accept
  unilateral state competence over recognition and exclude any
  significant role for international society in the matter. Those
  features, intellectually and professionally unattractive for the
  international lawyer, arguably account for why writers began to call
  the declaratory doctrine the better view of recognition. At the same
  time, declaratory doctrine exerted a positive attraction of its own.
  Declaratory doctrine accommodated more readily than constitutivism
  the contemporary trend toward attributing competence to
  international society over matters previously assumed to be strictly
  municipal.
  
  Statehood has come to be defined as more than effectiveness. New
  criteria of statehood such as compliance with \emph|{jus cogens} norms,
  guarantee of minority rights, and democracy, reflect new claims to
  international competence over internal governance. If recognition is
  permissible when some of these new criteria are missing, then the
  aspiration of international law to regulate matters traditionally
  reserved to sovereign states is frustrated. Declaratory doctrine
  held that existing states extended recognition when all criteria of
  statehood in a community aspiring to recognition were in place.
  Declaratory doctrine gave the criteria of statehood, whatever they
  may be, an important position in the process of recognition and
  thus, if the new criteria are accepted, enlisted recognition
  practice as a support for the new criteria. The declaratory theory
  of recognition allowed the international legal system to regulate
  internal order through the definition of statehood.
  
  Insofar as the declaratory preference stemmed from an aspiration to
  strengthen claims of international law to regulate certain aspects
  of internal organization, it is a preference conditioned on old
  assumptions about the process of recognition. Recognition was
  traditionally assumed to be a preserve of the individual state, a
  quintessentially ``sovereign'' matter. Whether or not to recognize was
  decided unilaterally and formed a discretion that ``[no] country on
  earth can question.''
  
  If decisions concerning recognition are made solely by organs at the
  municipal level and involve no international consultation, perhaps
  the only way for international law to harness recognition as a tool
  for regulating internal order in new states would be to establish
  criteria for statehood comporting with the international legal
  vision of how those states should be organized.  Then, even if the
  recognizing state continued to admit no international aspect in the
  \emph{process} of recognition, the \emph{substantive} rules
  governing recognition would reflect international values.
  Recognition would in turn project international values into new
  states. An existing, recognizing state would have to decline
  recognition where the new criteria of statehood did not obtain, and,
  consequently, the international aspiration to regulate certain
  aspects of domestic order, notwithstanding the lack of an
  internationalized process of recognition, would be felt in entities
  aspiring to statehood. The new entities would have to conform with
  the new criteria in order to receive recognition. The threat of the
  withholding of recognition would induce constitutional regimes to
  include compliance with \emph{jus cogens} norms, guarantee of minority
  rights, and democracy.
  
  However, it may well be the case that the process of recognition has
  not remained an exclusively municipal one. State practice concerning
  recognition of new states in the space of the former Socialist
  Federal Republic of Yugoslavia evidences a shift of competence to
  international levels. Even in states such as Germany and Austria,
  where authoritative decision-makers for diverse reasons aimed to
  conduct recognition diplomacy independently, an expectation was
  acknowledged that recognition occur collectively. The extent to
  which recognition of Croatia, Slovenia, Bosnia, and Macedonia was
  international and collective may have been conditioned by factors
  not obviously related to recognition or the Yugoslav crisis. The
  Treaty on European Union, imminent at the time of the Yugoslav
  recognition crisis, was chief among these. Expressions of the
  expectation that recognition occur through a collective process have
  nonetheless been persistent in the 1990s.
  \fi
  \PACS{71.2-b, 02.10GoodnessGraciousMe}

  \keywords{wastewater, treatment, cold climate, lagoon, design,
    guidelines}
\end{abstract}
\begin{resume}
  Merde!  Ou\dots  Les \'etangs constituent le moyen de traitement des
  eaux us\'ees le plus couramment utilis\'e au Canada,
  particuli\`erement dans les provinces de l'Ouest et les territoires
  du nord.
  \PACS{71.2-b, 02.10GoodnessGraciousMe}
  \motscles{eaux us\'ees, traitement, climat froid, \'etang,
    conception, march\'es \`a suivre}
  \Traduit
\end{resume}
%\ifvmode \typeout{mumble}\fi
%\vspace*{-10pt}
\maketitle*
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%\begin{abstract}
%  Oh! Oh! Oh!, it's all so boring and sad.  I try to make a decent job
%  of things, and whenever I speak to anyone I offend them.  I can't
%  see a future for myself.  Betsy, what do you think?  Grrrrf{}f{}f.
%\end{abstract}
%\begin{resume}
%  Merde!
%\end{resume}
\section{At least \emph{something} is OK~--- we can at least tell
  silly jokes\dots}
Here's a jolly thing.  Schnabel's secretary mistyping `whore' of
the piano when he meant `hire'.  (Secretary tells a story against
himself\dots)
\begin{equation}
  \label{basic}
  e=mc^2
\end{equation}
\section{And we can play around with that, can't we?}
By playing around with the rest-mass equation~\ref{basic} we can get
some other astounding factoids:
\begin{equation}
  m=\frac{e}{c^2}
\end{equation}
and
\begin{equation}
  c=\sqrt{\frac{e}{m}}
\end{equation}

\section{Schubert's Unfinished Symphony}

 A managed care company president was given a ticket for a performance
 of Schubert's ``Unfinished Symphony.''  Since he was unable to go, he
 passed the invitation to one of his managed care reviewers.  The next
 morning, the president asked the reviewer how he had enjoyed it, and
 he was handed a memorandum, which read as follows:

 \begin{enumerate}
 \item For a considerable period, the oboe players had nothing to do.
   Their number should be reduced, and their work spread over the
   whole orchestra, thus avoiding peaks of inactivity.
 \item All twelve violins were playing identical notes.  This seems
   unnecessary duplication, and the staff in this section should be
   drastically cut.  If a large volume of sound is required, this
   could be obtained through use of an amplifier.
 \item Much effort was involved in playing the 16th notes.  This seems
   an excessive refinement, and it is recommended that all notes
   should be rounded up to the nearest 8th note.  If this were done,
   it would be possible to use paraprofessionals instead of
   experienced musicians.
 \item No useful purpose is served by repeating with horns the passage
   that has already been handled by the strings.  If all such
   redundant passages were eliminated, the concert could be reduced
   from two hours to twenty minutes.
 \item This symphony has two movements.  If Schubert did not achieve
   his musical goals by the end of the first movement, then he should
   have stopped there.  The second movement is unnecessary and should
   be cut.
 \end{enumerate}

 In light of the above, one can only conclude that had Schubert given
 attention to these matters, his symphony would probably have been
 finished by now.

Enough of this: now for something completely different.

Oh, for goodness' sake, change, damn you!

 \begin{table}[t!]
   \centering
%  \setlength{\captionwidth}{0.9\columnwidth}
   \topcaption{Multicultural and transcontinental woodcraft notes of a
     rather less than serious kind; taken, without permission, from
     that seminal work on the topic \cite{mumble}}
   \label{tab:woodie}
   \begin{tabular*}{0.9\columnwidth}{ll@{\extracolsep{\fill}}l}
     \hline*
     \textbf{Animal} & \emph{Quick ID} & \textbf{Subtle signs of presence} \\
     \hline
     Rabbit          & long ears       & small raisin-like droppings \\
     Elephant\tmark[a] & small tail      & huge toe-marks in spoor     \\
     Porcupine       & quills          & gnaws on tool handles       \\
     Serval cat\tmark[a] & spotted fur     & cry ``no no no no''         \\
     Skunk           & white stripe    & odour `like neoral'         \\
     Red fox\tmark[b]  & red dog         & white tail-flash            \\
     \hline*
   \end{tabular*}
   \begin{tablenotes}
     \tnote*{\textbf{Beware:} marks skew-wiff in this environment
     because of testing various silly options}
     \tnote{Not a lot of these in North America, I think}
     \tnote[z]{boop boop a loop}
     \tnote[]{\bf grinling gibbons}
     \tnote{This is the sort of animal one might imagine being taken
       to North America by some of the madder European emigrants, and
       then prospering there}
   \end{tablenotes}
 \end{table}

\section{Peter Maurice Wilma Fairbairns' Trip to Darjeeling in 1943}

  Darjeeling: you approach the place by a railway which climbs
  gradients that are impossible, twisting, turning, backing and
  shunting all over the place in the process.  The gauge of the
  rails is about a metre, the engines and coaches are like toys and
  the whole process is pretty uncomfortable but wonderfully
  worth-while.  At half-distance you dismount at a station called
  Kurseong and walk through streets for about
  3/4 mile to get something to eat, but you don't have to
  walk back [\emph{to}] the station because the train, after the
  engine has picked up some more water, comes up after you and picks
  you up at the door!\dots

  And so we arrived in the home of tea at its best and the great views
  of the Himalayan mountains.  The whole place is green~--- lawns,
  flowers, shrubs and trees of which so many are exactly the same as
  those that grow at home~--- and the general effect is as unlike
  India as anyone could expect.  The weather at the moment, too, is
  truly British.  If we had as much rain on a holiday at home we should
  curse and rave and think ourselves ``very hard done by'' but here
  the fact that it's cool and raining, that there are clouds and mist
  about all combine to increase the illusion of being out of India and
  near home which from any point of view is a good thing.  We've been
  lucky enough to get a civvy billet under the auspices of of a funny
  little woman with a frizzy mop of grey-white hair who talks ninety
  to the dozen most of the time and feeds us like fighting cocks.

  The weather being as it is, we only see the famous views
  now and again and usually a bit at a time but yesterday morning we
  were up at 4.30 and away on a 7~mile trek by pony
  over mountain roads and tracks to a point called
  Tiger Hill where we were rewarded for our
  labours by an all-round view which would have excited the most
  hardened, blas\'e tourist in the world.  Miraculously, everything
  was perfectly clear and on one side were the massive white peaks of
  the {Himalayas} shining in silver and gold with the tip of
  Everest just appearing above the top of it
  all, well over a hundred miles away.  Then on the other side were
  vast stretches of plain with a river that looked like something in
  an infra-red photo.  Just why the rain should hold off on the one
  day when we really needed it to be fine is a mystery but it did and
  it was all very wonderful\dots
  
  ``We'' incidentally comprise {6}~men from various parts of
  the regiment who happened to be going away at the same time: by a
  lucky coincidence the other five were all blokes I knew more or less
  well and as a clique for spending leave together we seem to be
  ideally suited~--- everything runs smoothly, no disagreement, no
  friction.  There's a couple of cinemas in {Darjeeling} which
  we patronise quite freely, especially welcome since there is none in
  our own camp and we have to depend back there on occasional visits
  to the local garrison town for any entertainment of that sort.

  And there's a place called Pliva's
  where you can go drink \emph{real} coffee in the mornings to the
  music of two violins, cello, piano and drums.  Of course, since the
  food in the billet is so good, we don't have to bother with cafe
  meals which is an important point because these things are either
  very expensive or very bad in India and mere common soldiers have
  \emph{very} little money\dots

\appendix
\section{Here's the first appendix}
Which is typeset in the usual \LaTeX{} style, just with section
numbers changed.

\numberby{table}{section}

\appendix*
\stepcounter{section} %%% USERS SHOULD NEVER DO THIS!!!!!!!!!
                      %%% (for demonstration purposes only)
\section{Here's a section appendix}
Typeset according to the manner of the \verb|\appendix*| command.

\subsection{And a subsection to the appendix}
Being a test for subsections and tables.

\begin{table}[htbp]
  \topcaption{Another silly caption}
  \begin{tabular}{ll}
    Food type & Cooking style \\
    \hline
    Egg & Boiled \\
        & Scrambled \\
        & Poached \\
        & Fried
  \end{tabular}
\end{table}

\begin{thebibliography}{99}

%% 1:
\bibitem{PipinBishop}
   J. Pipin and D.M. Bishop. J. Phys. B: At. Mol. Opt. Phys.
      {\bf 25}, 17 (1992).

%% 2:
\bibitem{BhatiDrachman}
   A.K. Bhatia and R.J. Drachman. Phys. Rev. A, 45, 7752
      (1992); J. Phys. B: At. Mol. Opt. Phys. {\bf 27}, 1299 (1994).

%% 3:
\bibitem{DrachmanBhatia}
   R.J. Drachman and A.K. Bhatia. Phys. Rev. A: At. Mol.
      Opt. Phys. {\bf 51}, 2926 (1995).

%% 4:
\bibitem{Rotheryetal}
   N.E. Rothery, C.H. Storry, and E.A. Hessels. Phys. Rev.
      A: At. Mol. Opt. Phys. {\bf 51}, 2919 (1995).

%% 5:
\bibitem{JohnsonCheng}
   W.R. Johnson and K.T. Cheng. Phys. Rev. A: At. Mol. Opt.
      Phys. {\bf 53}, 1375 (1996).

%% 6:
\bibitem{BishopRerat}
   D.M. Bishop and M.Rerat. J. Chem. Phys. {\bf 91}, 5489 (1989).

%% 7:
\bibitem{DalgarnoLewis}
   A. Dalgarno and J.T. Lewis. Proc. R. Soc. London A, {\bf 233},
      70 (1955).

%% 8:
\bibitem{DalgarnoStewart}
   A. Dalgarno and A.L. Stewart. Proc. R. Soc. London A,
      {\bf 257}, 534 (1960).

%% 9:
\bibitem{Weinhold}
   F. Weinhold. J. Chem. Phys. {\bf 86}, 1111 (1982).

%% gosh, this must be item 10!!!!
\bibitem{mumble} H. MacMillan and A. Doubtless-Whom. J. Mont. Pyt.
   Stud., \textbf{2446}, 13235 (1963).
\end{thebibliography}

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