A DIRGE TO THE PASSING OF EDSAC. Sung by the massed choirs of Computer Cremations Incorporated. Conducted by request. To the tune, John Peel. (After hearing this he probably will.) (1) We have loved old Edsac in his coat of grey, But we know one day he must go away, Then we'll gather round his friends to the end, And with large hammers his valves we'll bend. Bang away, bang away, Edsac is going, Bang, bang away. (2) He has been with us since '48, But now downstairs he has a mate, The consequences make us go pale, If he should discover that she's female Hold him down, hold him down, He's heard already, Boys hold him down. (3) Babbage started it with his mill, Then came along our Maurice and Bill, We know they worked with good intent, But oh what a horrible accident, Woe woe woe, Woe woe woe, Let's hope Edsac II will go. (4) His parts were bought at so much a pound, In ex-service dumps his entrails were found, His components the enemy have never met, We don't think he know the war is over yet. What a fight, to keep him right, When Edsac is niggly, Red is the night. (5) To the servicing staff it is like doing time, Even Dr Miller has given his prime, Errors in his work are the engineers fear, When they ask when it happened, he says last year. They strive to mend, this is the end, Harpic for ever, They're going round the bend. (6) To be simple we made him a one address machine, But for some of the results we fear for where they've been, The words that he produces and his noises we deplore, Especially as the Ladies is just next door. Ring his knell, toll the bell, Edsac is going, Bury him well. (7) Engineers on his behaviour have written many a treatise, Programmers of every nation after their Ph.D.'s, All have tried to tame him, his temper to assuage, Their words would give Dr. Slater a new language. He must go, that we know, Push all together, And down he'll go. (8) Operating memorandums Eric's produced by the score, He has tried to lay the rules down, no man could do more, But where does all that paper go, it's quantity is great, And it's not the stuff that you would perforate. We'll need lots more, fill the store, There's another machine, On the second floor. (9) And here's to Vic and Herbie our mechanical genei-i, They'll never admit its fault and you can't say then they don't try, But their teleprinter in the future on one point we'll bar, They must never again go N-ya, N-ya, N-ya. (10) How best to move him his death must not be slow, Pull up his floor boards and down he'll go, All his parts electronic and his parts mechanic, Straight into room 9, oh blimey what a panic. What a flap, to spoil their nap, One large computer In their lap. (11) The boys in the workshop they'll be happy too, The two Dicks and Ivor, Bill and Rudy too, Bill can tell them all about the things he knows of Fords, That's if he can be heard over Rudy on the Broads. Against that din, you can't win, We won't build a warning buzzer, We'll wire Rudy in. (12) Here's to all who made the Edsac, and the users too, here's to all who have suffered, just as much as you, We don't know where he's going, but we think it may be hell, There wont be room for him there and the devil as well. He's had his day, he mustn't stay, So three cheers for Edsac, Hoo-ray, Hooray, Hoo-ray.